it was a safe place to go and there was a him there but had no name. and ma. so that was good. i was so sick of saying the lord's prayer when it was led by the very person who violated the core of my being. that was sundays. so fri nights and sat morns were cool then. and Rabbi Berger was as well. because i knew there that nothing could happen to me. which is why i liked school at Beth El. like that i remember the little multicolored rug thing i took naps on too so perfectly and the floor was cold there. but yeah, Rabbi Berger and really everyone. I remember Helen Stahl so many, even before Morgantown. It had already started in Durham. I wonder if Duke knew. but eventually i took leave of it all. or it of me. until today. which is where i return. my father, the fakest nice man ever. my father, the ___(expletive deleted). my father who art. did his congregation know? no. small wonder to tremble before YWH. it was an act of pride on my part to conflate the two and blame Him and him, as if they planned it together. it's important to name and claim this now, to survive and not be a victim so forgive me dear reader. i'll spare you the details but if you give a crap that's why i deleted most of the I's from the poems. false pride?

it's different now, an experience you would not want to miss! to have a host of friends. to be loved. actually. this means also reciprocally to have an improved and healthy sense of service. which is where i now go. to the Temple, which I am not barred from by any means but welcome in, and it is one of the more important days of my planetary life - and if this sounds not all clear that's okay why would it be. just some momentous encounters with allpower and taking leave of something so utterly and completely wrong. i'm glad i had a safe place. glad mom was there. it looked like this